So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All the doctor said was why
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
