remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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