Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
