margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
