This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
