You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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