I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
