looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
