And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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