no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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