remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
