Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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