I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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