it's too hot outside to masturbate.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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