i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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