How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
