Plan B is the new Plan A
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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