and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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