I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
