So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
