I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
