Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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