Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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