I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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