Barsexuality is the new black.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just had sex on a roof
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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