why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
