Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
