Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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