she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
