you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
