THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
