the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
