No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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