Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
