the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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