I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
