Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
