question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
