I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
