my mouth tastes like poor choices
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
