Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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