I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
