So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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