My friends, they love my intelligence
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
