Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
