dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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