Your face is a jimmy john
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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