1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
