First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
