Old men and throwing up are my life now.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
