Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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