Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
