You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
