I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
