It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
