I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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