DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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