Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
barbara walters just said penis...
Welp...herpes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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