I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
