At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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