One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
