I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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