yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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