I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
