I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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