So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
