Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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