Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
