dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think my moral compass just broke
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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