i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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