My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
