i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
