Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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