I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
