Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
