do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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