Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
