I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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