i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
