There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
