he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
