Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
