I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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