Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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