she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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