I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
