we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So squirting runs in the family.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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