would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
