so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
