Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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