this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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